The unseen side of a soldier!!!? PTSD and Mental health

The nightmares the sights the smells the thoughts of lost comrades, has taken its toll on me, unbeknown silently digging itself deeper in my mind till it has rooted itself deep within over the years.

To try and understand it and make sense of it all and put it all to rest was not the process For me, you know secretly to yourself something is happening to you the thoughts the paranoia.

But still you will deny that something is happening to your health mentally, so while you are still serving you have your brothers, comrades who would lay down and die for you if need be, always there to guide and help one another if things get hard.We are all part of a team yes, like anything you would have your arguments and fall outs that’s normal.

But for the time being till your last day of service, the day you say goodbye to your family of brothers and now after time served you come into a world that is alien to you in a way so you just soldier on struggle with the simple things that you have not been a part of for many years some end up in jail on the streets turn to drugs drink and crime for it is a hostile world to us the shame of asking for help is a large burden on us for once we was the best a team that could not be broken and if it was we would fix it but now we are alone there is no one to fix us  we can’t even ask our own family friends wife girl friends close friends even for help.

We won’t to but something so strong stops us cause of what we have seen and done won’t let us the constant anguish of recurring nightmares thoughts that make us unable to let go and so what do we do put on a brave face laugh when we are rely crying we may hurt the ones that we love and are close to us we don’t mean too it is our own protection from letting them know we have a problem we will lie as so not to get found out we will shun them away when we think there to close to what is going on in our minds system shut down its a dark place to be all alone even when they that are close and wonting to help in any way they can.

Trying to understand that we have an issue is so hard, we can be watching the TV and all of a sudden our head is filled with images reliving past events like they were only yesterday  they torment us . we react in strange ways you can’t comprehend what is going on with us the nightmares the flashbacks the re enactment of events running a mock with our heads its hard to deal with them when it happens.

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